Gonna make this short and sweet and for those of you that know me well enough, know that is no easy feat for me.
In recent years, I have wanted to start a family but to no success. I went through all the testing, charting, temperature taking that all women do when having infertility issues. About two years ago, I stopped all of the insane craziness that goes with trying to get pregnant. One, because it was becoming too much and more of an obsession than the joy of starting a family. Two, because that is when everything went down with my parents and me taking on all that went with it. Talk about a mood killer…
I recently wanted to return to my obgyn to discuss my infertility options and address some female issues I have had recently. Well, it ends up I got a lot more than I bargained for. I knew from my past visits that I had cystic fibroids. But, I wasn’t wanting to take the risk of having surgery to remove them as it could prevent me from having children all together. This past week I learned that those fibroids, I decided not to remove, have more than doubled in size and have overtaken my uterus. I had an ultrasound both topically and vaginally and they could not see my uterus at all when going in vaginally. Not good! I met with my obgyn on Thursday and she is referring me to an infertility specialist to see if they can salvage my uterus. However, the prognosis is not good. So, I am preparing myself for a hysterectomy at the ripe old age of 32! I was and am completely devastated and heartbroken. I never knew much about what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I knew I wanted a family. To experience what other Mom’s talk about, the bond between mother and child. To experience the chance to tell everyone I am pregnant, to feel a miracle grow inside of me, to experience childbirth, etc. To know that I will never have that chance just crushes me.
I know a lot of you are probably saying, but there is adoption and other options for having a family. I will be honest that is not what I want to hear right now. I am sure at some point I will be able to talk about those options, but for now (as my sister tells me) I am in the grieving process. Have to admit that although I am quite versed in that process, it is never the same as what you previously experienced. Right now, I am mad, sad, angry, devastated. So, talking about it is not something I am ready to do just yet. Thankfully, I have a business trip this week that is taking me to Georgia. So, will allow me some time to myself and a chance to process all that has happened.
I just wanted to let you all know and although I don’t know when surgery will be just yet, it will be in the coming months.
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